Moving Beyond Thoughts and Prayers

My posts usually have many versions before I decide on the final draft.  This post’s rewrites outnumber all the others by far.  I don’t known where to start.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put my thoughts and feelings out there.  I spent a lot of time staring at the computer screen.  But, I wanted to get something out because since the Parkland shooting a little over a week ago I am still reeling. Thinking about the victims, their families, the survivors, and the problem with gun control in America.

I’m angry, sad, scared, overwhelmed, worried, frustrated, powerless and other emotions I can’t name.  The lack of control over the safety of my family is terrifying.  How do we make sense of these awful tragedies?  How do we move on?

I decided I needed to learn more.  The past week I have been researching gun control, gun safety, and gun violence.  The internet is not comforting, just in case you ever thought it might be.  Compared to other countries of the same socioeconomic status America’s gun violence rate is by far the highest.  Reading the statistics and studies, I was left even more distraught.  Why don’t we have similar laws to protect our citizens when the numbers are backing up the results?

I did find some comfort in the fact that Massachusetts, (where my family and I live) gun laws are tougher than most other states and has the lowest gun death rate compared to the rest of the country.  In 2015, Mass had a gun death rate of 3.13 per 100,000 residents (this number, to my understanding includes homicides and suicides).  The state with the second lowest rate, Hawaii, at 3.84 deaths per 100,000.*  More can be done on gun safety to lower those rates further.  Canada’s gun murder rate is 0.5 per 100,000.**

There is the argument that if someone wants to obtain a gun, they will find the means to do so.  But why does it easy have to be so easy? We don’t have to eliminate the second amendment, but continuing to allow people who have shown abusive behavior, suffer from mental illness, or have criminal backgrounds is not reducing the gun violence rate.

There are many facts slanting towards either side of the argument.  If you want to know more do your research and get involved.  Write to your local and state representatives, join and volunteer for groups that support gun safety (such as Everytown, Moms Demand Action, or Sandy Hook Promise), and most importantly, have open and honest conversations with your children about kindness/bullying, self confidence, and yes, gun safety.

I don’t want to feel powerless any longer.  I joined Moms Demand Action and a local community group promoting kindness.  I will research my elected representatives and vote with those who align with my stance.  If my children go to friend’s homes, I will ask the parents if they own a gun and how it is kept safe.  I will talk to my own children about guns even though we don’t own one and have constant conversations about kindness.  I’m also going to do my best and work to advocate for change.

*Boston Globe: Mass. has lowest US rate of gun deaths
**Everytown: Gun Violence By the Numbers

Spin Class with Migraines

When I started getting migraines working out took a major back seat.  Now that it’s been over a year, I wanted to commit to getting back in shape.  Some of the classes at the gym can be really tough because they are SO LOUD.  Spin being the worst offender, cranking the volume to deafening.  I have found ways to go to Spin class and not die in the process.

Water Before and During

Make sure you are hydrated.  Even if you don’t have migraines, being dehydrated can and will cause a headache.  I drink 4-8oz of water and I fill my 24oz water bottle and finish it off during the class.

Talk To the Instructor

Don’t be embarrassed to let the instructor know you have migraines.  While a lot of Spin instructors love to crank the dial, their main goal is to help their class get in shape in a safe way.  If it gets a little too loud, raise your hand and say so.

Picking Your Bike

Sit as far away from the speakers as possible (get to class a little early).  If you have informed your instructor about your migraines and sound sensitivity, they can direct you to which bikes are furthest from speakers since they know the layout.

Tip to Relax Your Eyes

Watch the instructor’s feet to keep the pace.  The screen can feel so bright in a dimmed/dark room.  It can feel like brighter than it actually is.  The instructor will be pedaling to the pace.  Keeping an eye on their feet can help you know how fast to pedal.

If Your Eyes Are Really Bothering You

This might feel weird, but one thing that helps if my migraine is stronger than a typical day is closing my eyes during class.  Don’t worry, no one is looking at you.  Everyone is focused on the instructor or their screens.  Again, no one is looking at you!

To help keep my pace I’ll tap my hand to the beat of the music.  I will flutter my eyes open once in a while to check my RPMs and usually I’m more on pace with my eyes shut then open. Go figure!  If my RPMs are dropping, since I talked to my instructor, he will sometimes cue the beat verbally (left, right, left, right).  An instructor will often cue the pace throughout the class so don’t feel like they are calling you out.

Muffle the Volume

I use these ear plugs, but shop around because I tried a few before finding what was comfortable for me.  Seems like a no brainer, but a lot of people have hearing sensitivity and don’t (or won’t) wear ear plugs to class.  I don’t care if it makes me nerdy if it means I’m more comfortable.  This only muffles the sound, not cancel it completely.  You do need the beat of the music to help you work out and hear the instructor because the pace and gear shift throughout the class.



I thought I wouldn’t be able to do Spin class but I’ve been going regularly for five or six months now.  I’m not a medical professional or a personal trainer, and always consult with your doctor. This is what has worked for me, and if you suffer from migraines, everyone’s body is different so adjust for what works best for you.  My final tip is to listen to your body.  Working out should feel uncomfortable but not painful!

If you have a tip, let me know.  I’m always looking for ways to make my workout easier (but still pushing myself!)

Realities of SAHM – Why are we more tired on weekends with help?

The weekdays are a constant marathon of school to class to play dates and on and on.  Then the weekends arrive.  We run around from activity to errand to birthday party.  Weekend and weekdays start to blur into one long endless obligation.  But Dad is home on the weekends, so shouldn’t the load be cut in half?  Why are we still so tired?  Why do the weekends not give us the break we keep expecting?

A girlfriend recently left the working world to become a full time SAHM.  She had feelings of anxiety and was overwhelmed by them before her first week even started.  I encouraged her but didn’t gloss over SAHM challenges.  It’s tough and tiring but, of course, extremely rewarding.

It was a tough first week when she had one baby with croup while trying to get into a groove as a SAHM and acclimate her toddler to a new schedule.  Finally, the weekend arrived.  Her husband was with the kids.  On his watch the baby nibbled the toddlers poop while he was trying to change a diaper.  She texted me in frustration and exhaustion, “How is it that we’re more tired when we have help!!”

That was just her first week as a SAHM!  It’s true though, we are just as busy on the weekends as we are during the week days.  Shouldn’t it feel a little lighter if there are two parents home to divide and concur that to do list?  The weekends often times feel like more work.

Didn’t You Know?

After stewing about this a little…  One of the biggest problems I noticed in our house is that do to’s are not always verbalized.  It’s more along the lines of me thinking, “The bedding needs to be washed, my other half should wash the table and counters while I get on top of this,” or “That indoor playground sounds cool, maybe a play date with our friends together!”  When I’m rushing out the door to get to the play date on time my husband is clueless and wondering why I’m rushing everyone out the door to do our usual Sunday morning grocery shopping.  Or, I’m ticked off when I finish up the laundry and the kitchen is left for me to still have to clean.  Can’t you read my mind?!

Even though it’s the same amount of work, it almost feels like more because there’s an assumption that I won’t have to do some of the things on my list.  The (un-communicated) list will be split up.

No Rest for the Weary

The other big chuck of it is, it’s hard maintaining the same momentum of your busy life constantly.  More downtime is needed than what we give ourselves and our family.  Saturday morning arrives and you just want to check out.  Can I check out on the weekend when we are finally all together?  Isn’t this family time?  I really want to get caught up with cleaning, or maybe sleep.  Am I a bad mom and wife for not wanting to spend quality time together when we only have the weekend to do so?

My mom guilt gets the best of me and I end up either continuing on with the constant go go go, or I take the break I need but feel bad about doing so most of the time.

Break Up Break Time

The past couple weeks, we have been doing less on the weekends and splitting up more. Thursday nights my husband and I try to have a mini house meeting and review what we want to do over the weekend.  If shopping needs to be done, most of the time I will go off on my own while Dad and the kids go to the gym. We also say no to a lot more birthday parties. If we are going to a birthday party it has to be someone our kids are close with or one of my mom friends.  No more rando class mate parties, sorry not sorry.

Our mini house meetings help to keep everyone in the loop of what we will be doing on the weekends and also helped reduced an overstuffed schedule.  Doing less on the weekends has decreased the pressure to get to the next activity so we can enjoy the activities we are at while we are there.  I’m sure there are other steps we can take to lighten our weekend load.  Open to ideas, please let me know how you reduce the weekend overload!

My Non Typical Favorite Milestones

Everyone talks about when baby first walks, talks, sits up, or crawls.  Those are exciting and sweet, but there are milestones that really get parents, or at least me, super jazzed.  You won’t even know how awesome they are, until they happen.  While reaching a milestone means one more step away from the beginning years and firsts, these milestones make so many complicated things about parenthood easier.



It starts with big open mouth kisses then evolves into little pecks.  This is a milestone that melts my heart.  One of the sweetest parts of my week is when I get twenty kisses in a row from a toddler who’s feeling very lovey dovey when they are usually more prickly then affectionate.

Mwah! Baby kisses
Mwah! Whether you want this kiss or not!

Drawing recognizable pictures

That moment you get more than just a furious scribble of back and forth lines or circles and can recognize what the story is in a picture – Cool!!  I loved all the scribbles and dots and very brown paintings.  When I started getting rainbows, people, and tree pictures though, it brought refrigerator art to a whole other level.  We love art in our family, so watching the progression over the years is fun.

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Being able to dress themselves

This is one of those milestones where they are able to do something, but it’s unknown to you because you’re so used to just doing this for your kids, you forget that you should mayyybeee let them try to do it themselves.  Then they try, and it’s annoying, slow, and frustrating.  Before you know it they’ve gotten the hang of it.  Even though the actual getting dressed can be slower for a long time, it’s worth the struggle.  With two toddlers it’s nice to be freed up to and cut down in the amount of steps parents have to do to get out the door.


Using a bowl with the stomach flu

This was by far my most celebrated milestone.  When my husband and I did a Parents Night Out event through my mom’s group, three other couples raved about how exciting this was.  Nothing makes you so happy while feeling so lame at the same time.  In our defense, it was the beginning of Stomach Bug season so on a lot of our minds, haha/boo! This cuts down on a lot of cleaning or bedding/carseats/rugs/etc which can make the whole being sick even more stressful. Once you reach this milestone, you will be thinking, “I have arrived!”

Sick baby lying down on couch

Holding your hand/No longer running away in parking lots

I feel like I got my sanity back when Reece stopped fleeing out into the parking lot without a care in the world.  This might not be as big a deal if you have an only child, but if you have two close in age, you dread having to get out of the car in a parking lot or street.

Parking lot
The Danger Zone!!!! Photo by Parker Gibbs on Unsplash
Toddlers walking down the street
Reece making sure Kat doesn’t run off

These are just a few of my favorite milestones that aren’t highlighted of baby books.  What are your favorite milestones?

My Life With Migraines: Parenting Through Chronic Pain

After I had my second pregnancy I started getting headaches.  My doctor attributed them to postpartum and breastfeeding hormones.  We would revisit if we needed to after I weaned.  A few weeks before Kat turned one I got a sinus infection and migraine.  After ten days I went to the doctors office and they gave me an injection to break the cycle, along with antibiotics for my migraine.

The days that followed were the beginning of my chronic migraines.  I would go three months at a time with NO break from my migraine.  Each medication I tried would bring small improvements, but no “cure” and hardly a break.

Even good days, where there was less pain, or maybe a few hours without a migraine, were still so difficult.  I was all over the place emotionally: edgy; angry; sad; scared.  The migraines also left me confused at times.  If I ate ice cream, my husband would have to put it away or I would put it in the refrigerator instead of the freezer – every time.

Being a Mom in Chronic Pain

During all this, I was a stay at home mom doing a few hours of consulting work from home.  If you’ve ever had to take care of a child while you have a cold, it’s completely miserable.  Taking care of a one and three year old was beyond measure, worse than that when you have to do it on your fourth month straight headache.

Before migraines, I felt motherhood could be overwhelming and frustrating.  When you’re in pain it’s hard to not let emotions overtake you.  I had to work even harder to not lose it on my babies all day long.  I was constantly trying to keep myself in check and stay relaxed.  I felt like the worst mother ever.  Shouldn’t I be able to enjoy our fun activities together?  I shouldn’t be on the verge of losing my s— minute to minute, right?

Anyone who’s a mom knows the weight of mom guilt.  I had guilt about wanting to rest instead of spend time with my babies.  Guilt over asking them to play quietly or stop doing something they were enjoying to do quiet activity.  Guilt about weeks of increased TV time.

When you have a chronic illness it can feel hopeless at times.  I felt hopeless.  Many times.  Reece and Kat needed me though, and motherhood doesn’t give out sick days.  Every day the kids wake up early, my husband would let me sleep in a half hour more – lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers – then I would drag myself out of bed and put on a big smile.

On weekends I would spend more time lying down to try to alleviate the headaches.  I’m a SAHM, so for the most part, I just had to continue on – business as usual – as I would if I had a headache or not.  A lot of things that used to bother me, still did, but I had to let go of a lot of things.  Being upset about the dinner fight, rushing my kids to do things like clean up or get out the door, and sibling squabbles were all things I had to let go of.  Some moments there are successes, other times, not so much and it ends in big blow outs over non-matters.  Days when I stayed as relaxed as possible might not make my pain go away, but it didn’t make it worse.

The Guilt We Carry

Circling back to guilt.  I even had guilt my migraines weren’t worse.  I have a friend who can’t leave the house without glaucoma sunglasses and a wide brim hat on, if she goes out at all.  My migraines aren’t as bad as others…  My neurologist said something to me, that really resonated.  It’s sort of an obvious truth, which held a lot of meaning to me.  She said: There’s no reason to feel guilt that my migraine isn’t worse than it is, my migraine is my own.  She let me know, it’s OK to be mad, sad, overwhelmed, by what I was going through.  It’s a crappy situation.  It could be worse, but it could be better.

After over a year I started seeing more improvements where I was having few hours without a migraine some days, or only a very slight headache.  There was still a long road ahead.  Currently, a year and a half later and doing Botox treatments, I’m starting to have more days without migraines than with.  When I do have bad days, I remind myself to take it easy on myself.  And it’s not the end of the world if I need to let the kids be TV-zombies.

I’m cautiously hopeful.

On the Fly Chicken Wings

The other night I ran to Whole Foods to grab some chicken so my dinners for the rest of the week had more substance than peas and rice.  I picked up ingredients for my normal go-to dinners but saw little chicken wings in the display and decided to be spontaneous.  I’m so chef-y!

Then I got home and realized, I have no idea what to do with these wings.  I know fried wings would be the automatic thought, but it’s always makes such a mess, plus, I don’t have a thermometer to keep a gage on oil temperature.  That determined it.  Baking is the way to go!

I briefly considered just salt, pepper, and oil.  I had gone to the trouble to try and shake my dinner plans up, I’ll try to give these wings a bit extra something.  And so, my chicken wing test creation was born. IMG_1483

It’s simple, doesn’t take tons of prep time, and toddlers (most days) like little wings.  My kids decided they hate bone in chicken that night, but ate it just fine after cutting the chicken up.

With the wings I made quinoa.  I like to punch it up a little by adding some garlic, salt, pepper, and a good drizzle of olive oil while it simmers.  I also roasted cauliflower (just salt, pepper, olive oil), cut up some mango, sliced some cucumbers and reheated frozen peas and corn.  IMG_1484IMG_1477


3 lbs chicken wings

3 cup flour
1 tspn of salt
1 tbs ground pepper
1 tbs Garlic Powder
1 tbs mustard powder 
1 tbs of dried oregano 
1 tbs of dried thyme
1/2 tbs of paprika – if you think your kids won’t mind, bump it up to 1 tbs 

3 eggs
3 tbs teriyaki sauce
1 1/2 tbs ginger paste

Combine flour, spices, and herbs together in a bowl.  In a separate bowl mix the eggs with the teriyaki sauce and ginger paste.  Cover the baking sheet in oil.  I poured some oil on the pan then spread it with a butter brush.  Pat dry the chicken, season with salt and pepper, then dip into the flour mixture.  Next, dip into the egg mixture, then another dip to cover in the flour mixture.  Shake off any excess flour, and place on the baking sheet.

Bake at 375 F for 40 minutes, flipping half way through.  I cooked using convection so they were ready in about 17 minutes.  If you try it out, let me know how it turns out for you!

Simple Mom Cleaning Hacks

I don’t fancy myself a domestic goddess in the least.  Along the way, I have learned some tips on how to clean our baby gear or hacks on how to avoid having to clean to begin with.  Whether it be from other moms, youtube tutorials, Pinterest, or various FaceBook groups, I’ve learned a few things since having my first baby.  Below are a few tips and hacks that have saved my sanity – or at least crib bedding – at one point or another.  


Bedding: For quick and easy sheet changes make the bed with a mattress protector, fitted sheet, mattress protector again, then fitted sheet again.  This way if you have an overnight leak/accident you can just pull off the top sheet and mattress protector and the work is already done for you.

Uncluttered bedrooms: This might not be a hack, but, in the kids rooms we only keep clothing, books, and a few stuffed animals.  If Reece has quiet time in his room I will bring a toy he picks out into his room.  When he’s done the toys go back in their bin and back to the play room.  So far, this has kept their rooms relatively mess free.

Reece's nursery
Reece’s minimalistic, super easy to keep clean, nursery


Meal Time: Use smocks instead of bibs to avoid staining baby clothes for messy eaters. 

Stain removing must haves: Shout, white vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, Kids & Pets (or some other enzyme carpet/fabric cleaner), and rubbing alcohol.

Poop-cidents: Potty training underwear blow outs are covered here.

Socks: Hang a mesh delicates bag on the side of the hamper for socks so your socks can stay with their match.


Crayons: Art project missed the mark and got some crayon on the table or wall? WD40 is super easy. A lot of people swear by Magic Eraser, if you have only one coat of paint, tread carefully. 

Mega blocks and Duplo Lego: there are two easy ways to clean: 1) Throw in large mesh laundry bag and wash on delicate in the washing machine or 2) Soak in the tub with a little bleach and agitate manually (swish around with hands), make sure to follow up with a rinse.


Sour smelling sippy cups:  Do a bleach and water soak, then wash as you would normally.  (1 tbs bleach to 1 gal water ration) Another trick is denture tablets!

Microwave: For the love of all things holy, buy a microwave cover and use it. EVERY time you nuke something.  It will save you so much cleanup and they are super cheap.  I clean my microwave pretty much never, but it’s not because I let it slide.  It just doesn’t have the ick buildup that I had before using a cover.

Inside microwave
This is the inside of my microwave at all times thanks to the cover!

Stove/Counter Black Hole: For the space between the stove and counters use a stove guard.  Maybe this space isn’t a place you think about cleaning, which makes the guard even more vital, but spilled or splattered oil dripping down the sides of the counter and stove is a fire risk if it gets bad enough.

Gas Stove Grates or Grill: Throw it in a trash bag and add some ammonia.  Let it sit for a few hours then rinse off.  No elbow grease needed.

Baby Gear

These tips aren’t “simple” but a lot of first time parents, or even seasoned parents aren’t sure how to clean these items so I added them to the post.

Car Seat: Always, Always! Refer to your car seat manual.  Some seats can only be surfaced cleaned, some hand wash only, and some can go in the washing machine.  If you can put yours in the washer, wash on gentle cycle and use a gentle detergent such as Tide Free and Gentle.  For the base vacuum up crumbs then wipe down base and straps with a baby wipe.  DO NOT use a Clorox wipe, it breaks down the integrity of the car seat.

Toddler in car seat
A clean car seat is my JAM!

Pack and Play:  If it’s only a minor stain use a baby wipe.  If it needs a deep clean, it’s improtant to check if your mattress has a cardboard/pressboard or plastic board.  If it’s plastic it’s safe to throw all parts, mattress and play yard part (collapsed), into a tub to wash.  Soak in warm water, detergent, and Oxi.
If it’s cardboard I would recommend sticking to surface cleaning for the mattress.  If you must deep clean the mattress you might have to get a little crafty.  Cut a slit in the back and remove, wash minus the board, then glue velcro strips where the opening is so you can close it after cleaning.


Cute Baby and Toddler Friendship Books

It has been non-stop birthday party season the past six weeks with only one weekend off.  We have had only one weekend without a birthday party, and some weekends with three birthdays.  My go to gift is always books.  So why not gift friendship books for our friends birthdays?  Here’s a roundup of our family’s friendship books favs, newborn up to preschool age.

Sophie’s Busy Day

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Great from newborn and up.  We follow Sophie throughout her day and how her friends help her.  Every page also has a sensory aspect, smooth, bumpy, etc. that children will enjoy exploring.

Bunny and Bee Favorite ColorsBunny and Bee Favorite Colors book

Bunny and Bee have adventures through the forest observing all the colors in the world.  This color learning book isn’t the typical – Red, the circle is red, red flower, red hat, RED – book.  There’s a small story where you follow Bunny and Bee through the forest and you can discuss the colors of the forrest on each page.

Otis Loves to PlayOtis Loves to Play book

Follow a day with Otis the tractor as he plays with his friends on the farm. The illustrations are different from other children’s books being mostly black, white, and shades of grey with Otis being highlighted in red.  Great for newborn and up.  This was a favorite early on with Reece as he has been truck obsessed since what feels like birth.

Little Blue Truck

Little Blue Truck Leads the Way book
This is Little Blue Truck’s sequel, Kat currently has hidden Little Blue so I had to improvise 

A story of friendship, kindness, and helping.  Also good for learning animal sounds.  Dump Truck doesn’t have time for the animals along the way then gets stuck.  When he asks for help it’s Little Blue who helps out.  Little Blue Truck is another book that has been well loved, to the point where we’ve on our second copy!


Oliver’s Tree
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Oliver, Charlie and Lulu love to play.  When Oliver isn’t the right size to play in a tree, Charlie and Lulu work together, finding a way for everyone to be included.  This book, at one point, was in the must read every night cycle for 6 months at one point!

Peanut & GrapeSnapseed (9)

Kat was gifted Peanut and Grape from one of our friends.  It was her very first book that wasn’t a hand me down and 2.5 years later it is still a staple in her bedtime reading cycle.  Peanut and Grape are best friends who do everything together.  If you have siblings that are super tight then this book is a must have!

Stick and Stone

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Stick and Stone were once alone.  Brought together by a bully pinecone.  Stick and Stone will always “stick” up for one another.  The story, simple illustrations, and rhyming are all so sweet.  A little wink and nod to the sticks and stones rhyme.

Pigtails: Bonding With My Daughter

Kat has always been a baldy baby.  I thought Reece was a bald baby, until Kat came into our lives.  By the time she turned one she had slight peach fuzz.  Her second birthday her hair started to fill out a little bit, but was only an inch at best.



Kat, about to turn 2, and starting to grow some hair. Woohoo!

When I noticed Kat’s hair was juuuuust long enough for a ponytail I had a mini celebration in my head.  I started to try to brush her hair more often, which meant Rich holding her down while I sprayed a liberal amount of detangler and brushed.  It wasn’t pleasant.  I had moments where I considered letting my daughter’s mangy hair go unchecked into the wild, curly, messy mop it naturally wants to be.  She can just wear a hat.  Every day until college.

I should have made more of an effort with clips and headbands from the start, but being a second child these good intentions often fall to the wayside.  Her animosity over hair brushing did not provide hope.  I didn’t let that discourage me.

I, somehow, had to get her on board, maybe even excited.  I got a sparkly cat headband with ears, a small array of hair elastics, and a cute wire headband since the wrap around headbands haven’t been well received in the past.

Kat’s hair turning point happened a little bit by accident.  I put a headband on her, and she ripped it off so Reece tried to put it on.  Of course then Kat really needed the headband and begged to put it on.  A mini fight ensued.  I found a compromise with Kat wearing the headband and Reece wearing a bow clip.  She wore her hair “done up” for the rest of the night instead of the usual twenty seconds.  A break through!



Since hair brushing was not a pleasant time, I tried to turn it into something fun and exciting.  I sit Kat on the bathroom sink so she can see her self and we brush her hair together.  Once that started going smoothly I added in putting her hair in a ponytail.

The first time I put her hair in a ponytail (and almost every time after) she is so proud.  Ear to ear smiles.  Then she leans over the sink and puts her nose right on the mirror, sometimes she kisses herself.  For all the times she drives me crazy, she has some of the sweetest moments.

Reece and Kat holding hands
The 1st day Kat wore her hair in a ponytail out of the house! Reece is so proud he held her hand the entire day.

Since then we have done ponytails, pigtails, and headbands.  Every time she is so proud.

I sometimes find it harder to connect with my second child.  It takes a lot more work to bond because big brother can take up a lot of the spot light.  We didn’t have the same focused solo time that Reece and I had his first two years.

When it’s time to do hair its a small way to have a mini bonding session every morning.  I make a big deal about putting a towel in the sink so her feet don’t get wet, I get the brushes and hair bands out, then ask Kat what she wants to do today.  She watches me as I brush her hair, sometimes moving her head a little too much in order to see.  It’s a peaceful moment of just us girls in the morning.  After a little bit of girl talk, and mother-daughter bonding over hair, and we rejoin the chaos of our morning.

What do you do to bond with your children?  Big ways or small I’d love to hear them in the comments!

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Potty Training Truths From a Second Time Mom

Did you know there’s a 100% guaranteed 3-day potty training method?  Every blog I have ever read has sworn by the 3-day method it seems.  Sadly, I must report both my children must to be defective because it hasn’t worked for either one.  Or maybe the 100% is closer to 80%, or 70%, or, just like all things parenting, it’s a crap shoot.

Parenting isn’t a one size fits all solution, but our experience training our oldest has prepped us for the next time around.


  1. The first time around we picked the cheapest potty while we were at the store which was a Cars themed potty with multiple parts and made noises.  Yeah, no.  I recommend the Summer Infant Lil’ Loo Potty.  Easy to clean with only two pieces, cheap, and simple.  Less pieces the better.  We have three of these seats, one for each floor and one for the car.
  2. We also like the Gerber potty training underwear.  It’s a little thicker than normal underwear. They won’t absorb like a diaper, but, if there’s an accident it’s not a complete pee pool in your child’s shoes.
  3. A few books about using the potty and wearing underwear are also helpful.  We like Potty and Big Girl Panties.
  4. Skip the Elmo, Disney, whatever, travel seat cover.  They never fit right, slipping and sliding.  If you’re going to get one, splurge.  Otherwise, you’ll have a decoration toilet seat cover, just like us.

Lower Expectations

Lower your expectations, then lower them again.  If all else fails, just lose all hope.

Unless there’s some underlining issue, your child will be potty trained at some point.  Some are 18 months, others, closer to four years old.  Continue to encourage, but keep reminding yourself that it might not happen any time soon.  If you expect this to go smoothly or to be able to use some one specific method, it might be really disappointing and frustrating.  Just as you wouldn’t be upset with your baby when they can’t sit up on their own or walk, this is something that takes time, practice and a lot of patience.

So What The Hell Do I Do?

We ask several times a day if our daughter needs to go.  We walk her to the potty and if she wants to sit on it and not go, that’s fine too.  We also celebrate and will give a hand stamp for any time Kat pees in the potty.  We have to be very aware of cues since a 2 year old isn’t always the best at communicating.  Any time there is pulling on the diaper or babbling that sounds like poop or pee we rush her to the potty.

On weekends when we don’t have plans we will have panty wearing days where we just watch movies all day and try to encourage using the potty.  The 3 days method did not work for us, but there are less accidents on underwear days.

Every once in a while we do freak out and try to make Kat sit on the potty in a moment of frustration wanting to put our diaper days behind us.  Those moments are much, much less than with our first.

Follow Their Lead

Kat was the one to decide she wanted to do potty training.  At 18 months, one day while Reece was at school she walked over to the baby potty in our kitchen (yes, the kitchen, we like to keep it nearby for emergency pees), and started pulling at her clothes.  She couldn’t talk much at this point so I stripped her down.  Then she pulled at her diaper, so I took it off.  She sat down and peed.  A lot.  I was shocked to say the least since Reece wasn’t trained until 3.5.  After that she went several times a day.  Then my husband came home from a work trip and didn’t go again for two months.  This leads to….

Kat on the potty
Kat wants to be just like big brother all the time. She’s “peeing” while Reece does.

The Only Expectation To Have Is Setbacks

Every time my husband goes on a work trip, potty training goes from rocky to 90% potty trained.  Then Rich comes home and it’s huge regressions that last days or months.  I cannot even begin to figure out this phenomena.   Some kids only pee in the potty, refusing to poop.  This can go on for a year.  Totally normal.  When poop accidents happen, keep your cool and be prepared.  If you feel overwhelmed by the idea of cleaning poop out of underwear, never fear!  My guide to cleaning pooperware is here to help you out.

This may not be the method that parents want to hear when they are stressing out about potty training, but, what worked for us with Reece was giving up.  After over a year of potty training, we decided one weekend we would give it a break and try again in a few months.  After giving up hope, the NEXT DAY my son started going 100% in the potty, save occasional overnight accidents when he sleeps later than normal.

Toddler in underwear over onsie
Kat decided she finally wanted to wear big girl panties. She went through a phase wearing Mama’s underwear over her diaper and clothes for about a month.

That isn’t to say trying all the different methods others before me have come up with won’t work.  I just found it so stressful trying to make it happen the first time around.  With Kat we read books, ask often, encourage, and have stopped freaking out at how it’s taking more than 3 days, weeks, months.

It may seem lazy, it is, but letting our kids take the lead and not fight with them over peeing helps us.  There’s a lot less resistance with Kat verses when Reece was training.  Now I don’t get upset over accidents which is easier on all of us.  We have other mountains to climb, we don’t need to make this one of them!